My skin hates me.

So wow, you guys liked my makeup post!  I was like, for fucking real?  I love answering questions and hearing about what everyone is buying and liking now.  Please email me if you have any questions, recommendations, or suggestions.  If you’ve been curious about a product and want someone to test it, let me know!  (As long as it’s not crazy fucking expensive, I can rationalize buying it for “research purposes”.  Yep.)

So back to the topic at hand- my skin.  Some of you know that I have Lupus.  One of the main symptoms of the particular type I have (there are several, just waiting in the wings to fuck people’s lives up) is that I’m stupidly sensitive to the sun.  Even though that’s always been the case, sun REALLY ruins shit for me now.  I get red and blotchy and achy and it sucks.  And that’s just walking from work to Marta.  That’s all fun and good, but adding to the party is the fact that I’m super sensitive to everything.  Super dry skin.  I get itchy. Yet my face still breaks out.  Sometimes I feel like Pam from True Blood after she gets fucked up by the witch.

For those of you with sensitive skin (Lupus or not) here are some suggestions I have for you:

For da face:

  • There’s really fantastic stuff you can buy at the drugstore or Target that actually works.  The most important thing if your skin is sensitive, red, blotchy, and generally pissed off is to not piss it off anymore.  I used to be one of those people who preferred tingly face washes and stuff that I thought I could “feel working”. Nope, not anymore.  Check out products with the word “soothing”  (told ya I liked that word) or that promise to reduce redness.  Even in the summer when might feel gross and oily, it’s still important to moisturize.  If your skin is dry, it will work harder to “undry itself”, which essentially means producing more oil.  Oil combined with bacteria (if you rest your hands on your chin while you sit at your desk, or don’t clean your cell phone regularly, etc) causes breakouts.
  • Because I’m one of those people who falls for slick packaging (that’s what she said) and marketing, I tried “Loreal Go 360 Deep Facial Cleanser for Sensitive Skin”.  It comes with a scrublet (what the fuck kind of word is that??) that you use to massage it in, and it makes me feel like I’m doing a better job of getting stuff off my face than with my hands alone.  I also like any product from the Aveeno “Ultra Calming” line.  I currently use their daily moisturizer and have also tried the foaming face wash.  I think CVS and Target even have their own “generic” version (cheaper) of these products now, so check them out.  The Aveeno products are also said to work if you have rosacea and/or eczema.
  •  If you don’t mind spending a little money or have a hook up, Clinique has its own line of “redness reducing” stuff, and any Philosophy product (Purity  face wash and Keep the Peace moisturizer) are fucking awesome.


  • So, your skin is red and blotchy, breaking out, and you feel like a leper.  You put makeup on to cover it up.  The makeup makes things worse, and you want to curl up in the fetal position in a room with padded cells.  It’s the vicious circle of skin hell.  That’s why it’s important to only use products that “agree” with your face, and it’s a plus if they contain ingredients to help with any issues you already have going on.
  • When Danny rented my uterus, I remember my Mom sending me a package that had Bare Minerals foundation in it.  “Pregnancy hormones can really mess your skin up,” I remember her telling me on the phone.  I looooooved it.  Since then, I’ve tried other stuff (liquid foundation, other “mineral powders”) but I keep coming back to Bare Minerals.  I even watched an infomercial from Leslie whateverhername is (insert cash register noises whenever you say her name) where she said, “It’s so good for your skin, you can sleep in it!”  I wouldn’t go that far, but the shit works.  It does a good job of covering up my redness, and my face has been clearer since I switched back from some other random mineral powder I bought at Ulta.  Lots of people cosign Bare Minerals (hi, Jennie!) so let me know what your thoughts are.
  • Clinique also cells serums and potions and other random stuff you can put underneath your makeup, that helps reduce redness.  They also have “Instant Relief Redness Reducing Powder” which seems kind of like Bare Mineral’s “Mineral Veil”, which you put on your face after you’re done with your makeup.  Has anyone tried?
  • When it gets colder, my face gets super attractive dry patches.  Putting powder foundation on top feels and looks weird.  Does anyone have a product they recommend for the drier months.

For your body:

  • Forget about shaving.  Just fucking forget it.  (I still do, but my skin literally seems to look at me and go, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, YOU DUMBASS?  WE’LL TEACH YOU, YOU MORON!”  Or maybe that was just Danny.  Oh well.)  The only thing I’ve found that makes it somewhat tolerable are the Venus Spa Breeze razors, the ones that come equipped with the shave gel bar.  I still use shaving cream (Skintimate) but the shave gel bar on the razor seems to put an additional barrier against my skin and irritation.  I’ve found I need to go super slow, and wait until the last possible minute of the shower to give my skin and pores ample time to warm and open up.  If your underarms get irritated, try shaving in an upward motion while holding skin taut, or even consider using Nair (if you can stand the horrible fucking smell).  Shave that part at night so you don’t have to put deodorant on, and even put some powder (any brand with the word calm or soothing in it) under there for good measure.  Moisture and skin rubbing against other skin parts is what causes rashes.  I would laser the fuck out of every last hair follicle on my body (besides my hair and the eyebrows I have left) if I could afford it.
  • And last but not least, lotion.  I don’t like lotions that are too thick and feel greasy (if it doesn’t sink in or makes me feel slippery and gross, I can’t deal) but I’ve found that Nivea “Smooth Sensations” is pretty awesome.  Put it on right after your shower (even if you’re still wet–that’s what she said—-I CAN’T HELP IT…UGH) and it’ll sink in better.

That’s all, folks.  I was going to put pictures in, but I got tired and lazy.  Hope you are all having a good weekend, and thank you so much for reading and for your comments.  Please please please comment, ask questions, email me, use smoke signals, morse code, WHATEVER.  I LOVE IT! (Oh, and give me suggestions for posts!  I’m currently hard at work on an instructional video—i.e. huge shitshow people will watch to laugh at me—on how to use eyemakeup to look “more awake”.  What do you guys want to see or read about?)


One Response to “My skin hates me.”

  1. Jennie Says:

    Love it! “When Danny was renting my uterus…”

    I have the opposite kind of skin, super oily… like, Dubai oily. The Estee Lauder Idealist cream (or creme?) is amazing. And I think it shrinks pores.

    Yep. Bare Minerals.

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