I Know It’s Uncomfortable

September 22, 2011

But open your eyes:

From the Innocence Project

*There have been 273 post-conviction DNA exonerations in the United States.

*The first DNA exoneration took place in 1989. Exonerations have been won in 34 states; since 2000, there have been 206 exonerations.

*17 of the 273 people exonerated through DNA served time on death row.

*The average length of time served by exonerees is 13 years. The total number of years served is approximately 3,524.

*The average age of exonerees at the time of their wrongful convictions was 27.

Races of the 273 exonerees:

166 African Americans
81 Caucasians
20 Latinos
2 Asian American
4 whose race is unknown

It’s easy to look away and not care about shit like this until it’s someone YOU know.  And not for nothing, but the way I teach Danny not to hit other people isn’t to punish him by hitting or spanking him.  Small comparison, but we’re talking about someone’s life here.  Let’s think about what justice really means.

Racism is alive.  The media is obsessed with pretty and white Casey Anthony who is walking free today, yet a potentially innocent (and yes, I’ve read for hours about the case, most of those who testified against Troy Davis recanted their statements, one says he was forced into signing something saying Davis shot and killed the officer, yet he was illiterate and couldn’t understand what he was signing).

I’m scared.


“I did not personally kill your son, father and brother,” Davis said to the MacPhail family before he was executed. “I am innocent. “

Ten

September 11, 2011

Ten years, an expanse of time.  Passing of days.

“This weather is freaking me out,” George said this morning.  “It’s exactly like it was ten years ago.  Just beautiful.”

I’ve always been attracted to people from up north.  I love the accent.  The swagger.  The bluntness. I remember when we first started dating.  I used to laugh when George said  things like “cawfee”.  Say it again, I’d ask.  And he would.  You know the love.  So intense.  Makes you stupid.  You document everything.

People from NYC and Jersey are fighters.  They can be brash, but may also be the first person there to pick you up when you fall.

Talking about 9/11 is something you just don’t do with my husband.  He’s not one for expressing emotion, but seeing his face this morning as he watched the memorial service on ABC broke my heart.  I thought of many of his friends, construction workers.  Police officers.  Dealing with the aftermath of ten years ago today, after losing their jobs, their friends, their lives.

Ten years ago, I was walking into class when a girl who sat in front of me nearly knocked me down as she ran down the hallway.  I remember her crying and saying, “I can’t stay here.”

I went home and watched television for the entire day with another Northerner, my best friend and boyfriend at the time, Aaron.  Not knowing anyone directly affected by 9/11 at the time, we both wondered what to do.  We drove around finding somewhere to donate blood, and I felt like an asshole when I realized my dumb (picked off the wall) tattoo I’d gotten a few months earlier put me on the can’t donate list.

Yesterday, the boys and I went to the park.  I’ve been sick, sick, sicker than sick for the last couple of weeks.  I haven’t been able to leave the house, let alone go to work.  The park was one we hadn’t been to before, and as the boys went to the playground, I continued walking down the sidewalk, not knowing what I’d find.

I found this.

It took a lot of convincing to tear Danny away from the playground, but ten minutes later his shirt was off and he was knee-deep in the cool water.

If 9/11 taught me about one thing, that would be gratitude.  The appreciation for unplanned and beautiful moments.

As I rolled up my jeans and joined Danny in the water, I didn’t think about being sick.  I didn’t care that fifteen minutes in the sun would cause hours of agony later.  I cared about my family.  Many times, our bodies are present but our minds aren’t in the moment.  9/11 taught me to breathe, look around, and remember to think thank you.

I think George would agree.

A Valiant Effort

September 2, 2011

As I convalesced, my Mom picked up Danny from school yesterday.  We had dinner, and on the way back to our place, Danny and I saw a dog run across Roswell Road.

“A Chihuahua,” Danny screamed.  Actually, it was an Italian Greyhound.  Tiny and skittish, it ran down the street watching the cars swerving by it.  I sat behind the steering wheel with a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach.

Danny asked where the “Chihuahua” was going, and I said, “Probably home to its family.”  As I made the left turn onto our street, I changed my mind and made a U-Turn, heading in the direction of the Chihuahua/Italian Greyhound.

Danny asked, “Are we going to find the Chihuahua?”  Yes, yes we were.

We traveled southbound on Roswell Road, and I pulled into a parking lot of a strange-looking building.  After doing some internet sleuthing back at home last night, it turns out it was a Scientology Center.

I picked Danny up, and we started walking around the parking lot and calling out for the dog.

Danny tried to make little kissing sounds with his mouth and gave up, and instead yelled, “Hey doggie!  We’re over here!  Wanna see the new Transformers pajamas my Grammy got me?”  I’m sure Tom Cruise, eyeing us from inside his mecca, enjoyed that one.

Being so close to the street, I carried Danny around like an idiot, seeing as how I almost fainted from the “exertion” of eating at a Thai restaurant and walking to the back of a CVS to pick up medicine at the pharmacy the night before.

We continued to search the perimeter for the doggie, but gave up after about fifteen minutes.  Although our rescue mission was unsuccessful, I didn’t faint and Danny learned that it’s important to help homeless animals on the street.  (As long as they are small and don’t have fangs, as we discussed later.)  So we high-fived.

I heard Danny telling George the story this morning, and George is looking around the house saying, “Where is the dog?  Is the dog here?  What did you two do?”  Like I’m the type of person to rescue a homeless dog, bring it home, and then hide it from someone else.  PFFFT.  (I totally have done that.)

Danny explained, “Nooooo, the doggie ran home to be with its family.  But I liked the Chihuahua, even though it didn’t want to see my pajamas.”

The Real Lessons

August 24, 2011

Danny started preschool two weeks ago.  He doesn’t have any real homework yet, so tonight I decided to teach him a very important life skill: the prank call.

With caller ID, the ability to perform a genuine prank call is fairly limited, but it didn’t stop this from happening.

Ring ring ring.

Danny’s dad: “Hello?”

Danny: “Is your refrigerator running?”

Yep, we totally did.

Only four, and he’s becoming well versed in pranking (and planking).  This newly learned skill (in combination with one previously mastered—-throwing a cup of cold water on someone in the shower) foreshadows a promising future.

Master of disaster.

Danny’s Greatest Hits

August 6, 2011

When I’m not putting on makeup and mixing different concoctions and elixirs to spread on my person, I like to pay attention to my child.  (That’s actually what I do first, CPS, since I know I make too many jokes, like saying I’ll educate Danny about nature with the Honeybadger video.  It’s just a joke, STUPID.)

Per usual, he’s been very amusing.  Some of my favorite quotes from this week:

“Is that an adult?  Why is she so little?”- after seeing Snookie on TV

“That is so beautiful.” -looking up at his Marvel Superhero’s poster

“That is the most impressive thing I’ve seen in a while!” – said after completing a particularly difficult move on Lego Batman (Wii game)

“Finally!  I’ve been waiting twenty minutes. UGH.” – apparently, I’d taken five (not twenty) minutes to bring him his beverage (promptly earning him a time out)

And in no particular order, things he does when he knows he’s in trouble to make me laugh:

*the moonwalk

*the robot (which hasn’t progressed to the level I would like–imagine rigid karate-ish chops of the hand while pivoting the lower body)

Dancing is a big one.  He’s all:

*reaching out and “honking” my lady lumps (hi again, CPS!)

*turns his head super slowly, just like this:

Thanks to my boo Robert for that lovely image.  I just figured out how to insert gif’s!!! (Next, how to forward an email!)

Can you believe he’s going to start pre-K on Monday?  Let me go fill a bathtub with all my tears.

My skin hates me.

July 31, 2011

So wow, you guys liked my makeup post!  I was like, for fucking real?  I love answering questions and hearing about what everyone is buying and liking now.  Please email me dannyandkellyherrera@gmail.com if you have any questions, recommendations, or suggestions.  If you’ve been curious about a product and want someone to test it, let me know!  (As long as it’s not crazy fucking expensive, I can rationalize buying it for “research purposes”.  Yep.)

So back to the topic at hand- my skin.  Some of you know that I have Lupus.  One of the main symptoms of the particular type I have (there are several, just waiting in the wings to fuck people’s lives up) is that I’m stupidly sensitive to the sun.  Even though that’s always been the case, sun REALLY ruins shit for me now.  I get red and blotchy and achy and it sucks.  And that’s just walking from work to Marta.  That’s all fun and good, but adding to the party is the fact that I’m super sensitive to everything.  Super dry skin.  I get itchy. Yet my face still breaks out.  Sometimes I feel like Pam from True Blood after she gets fucked up by the witch.

For those of you with sensitive skin (Lupus or not) here are some suggestions I have for you:

For da face:

  • There’s really fantastic stuff you can buy at the drugstore or Target that actually works.  The most important thing if your skin is sensitive, red, blotchy, and generally pissed off is to not piss it off anymore.  I used to be one of those people who preferred tingly face washes and stuff that I thought I could “feel working”. Nope, not anymore.  Check out products with the word “soothing”  (told ya I liked that word) or that promise to reduce redness.  Even in the summer when might feel gross and oily, it’s still important to moisturize.  If your skin is dry, it will work harder to “undry itself”, which essentially means producing more oil.  Oil combined with bacteria (if you rest your hands on your chin while you sit at your desk, or don’t clean your cell phone regularly, etc) causes breakouts.
  • Because I’m one of those people who falls for slick packaging (that’s what she said) and marketing, I tried “Loreal Go 360 Deep Facial Cleanser for Sensitive Skin”.  It comes with a scrublet (what the fuck kind of word is that??) that you use to massage it in, and it makes me feel like I’m doing a better job of getting stuff off my face than with my hands alone.  I also like any product from the Aveeno “Ultra Calming” line.  I currently use their daily moisturizer and have also tried the foaming face wash.  I think CVS and Target even have their own “generic” version (cheaper) of these products now, so check them out.  The Aveeno products are also said to work if you have rosacea and/or eczema.
  •  If you don’t mind spending a little money or have a hook up, Clinique has its own line of “redness reducing” stuff, and any Philosophy product (Purity  face wash and Keep the Peace moisturizer) are fucking awesome.

Makeup:

  • So, your skin is red and blotchy, breaking out, and you feel like a leper.  You put makeup on to cover it up.  The makeup makes things worse, and you want to curl up in the fetal position in a room with padded cells.  It’s the vicious circle of skin hell.  That’s why it’s important to only use products that “agree” with your face, and it’s a plus if they contain ingredients to help with any issues you already have going on.
  • When Danny rented my uterus, I remember my Mom sending me a package that had Bare Minerals foundation in it.  “Pregnancy hormones can really mess your skin up,” I remember her telling me on the phone.  I looooooved it.  Since then, I’ve tried other stuff (liquid foundation, other “mineral powders”) but I keep coming back to Bare Minerals.  I even watched an infomercial from Leslie whateverhername is (insert cash register noises whenever you say her name) where she said, “It’s so good for your skin, you can sleep in it!”  I wouldn’t go that far, but the shit works.  It does a good job of covering up my redness, and my face has been clearer since I switched back from some other random mineral powder I bought at Ulta.  Lots of people cosign Bare Minerals (hi, Jennie!) so let me know what your thoughts are.
  • Clinique also cells serums and potions and other random stuff you can put underneath your makeup, that helps reduce redness.  They also have “Instant Relief Redness Reducing Powder” which seems kind of like Bare Mineral’s “Mineral Veil”, which you put on your face after you’re done with your makeup.  Has anyone tried?
  • When it gets colder, my face gets super attractive dry patches.  Putting powder foundation on top feels and looks weird.  Does anyone have a product they recommend for the drier months.

For your body:

  • Forget about shaving.  Just fucking forget it.  (I still do, but my skin literally seems to look at me and go, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, YOU DUMBASS?  WE’LL TEACH YOU, YOU MORON!”  Or maybe that was just Danny.  Oh well.)  The only thing I’ve found that makes it somewhat tolerable are the Venus Spa Breeze razors, the ones that come equipped with the shave gel bar.  I still use shaving cream (Skintimate) but the shave gel bar on the razor seems to put an additional barrier against my skin and irritation.  I’ve found I need to go super slow, and wait until the last possible minute of the shower to give my skin and pores ample time to warm and open up.  If your underarms get irritated, try shaving in an upward motion while holding skin taut, or even consider using Nair (if you can stand the horrible fucking smell).  Shave that part at night so you don’t have to put deodorant on, and even put some powder (any brand with the word calm or soothing in it) under there for good measure.  Moisture and skin rubbing against other skin parts is what causes rashes.  I would laser the fuck out of every last hair follicle on my body (besides my hair and the eyebrows I have left) if I could afford it.
  • And last but not least, lotion.  I don’t like lotions that are too thick and feel greasy (if it doesn’t sink in or makes me feel slippery and gross, I can’t deal) but I’ve found that Nivea “Smooth Sensations” is pretty awesome.  Put it on right after your shower (even if you’re still wet–that’s what she said—-I CAN’T HELP IT…UGH) and it’ll sink in better.

That’s all, folks.  I was going to put pictures in, but I got tired and lazy.  Hope you are all having a good weekend, and thank you so much for reading and for your comments.  Please please please comment, ask questions, email me, use smoke signals, morse code, WHATEVER.  I LOVE IT! (Oh, and give me suggestions for posts!  I’m currently hard at work on an instructional video—i.e. huge shitshow people will watch to laugh at me—on how to use eyemakeup to look “more awake”.  What do you guys want to see or read about?)

Apparently I have a slight obsession with makeup.

July 28, 2011

Recently, I was over at my Mom’s house and looking through her makeup stash.  I pulled out gorgeous eye shadow palettes, a gazillion mascara tubes, and a new eyeliner I’d been coveting for a while.  I picked up item after item and said out loud, this is some serious bullshit.  I shouldn’t be experiencing such jealousy over my own Mother’s makeup collection.  But then I remembered both of my parents are easily cooler than I’ll ever be, and went back to ooohing and aaahing.

One of my best girls asked about makeup recommendations on Facebook, and obviously all these words couldn’t fit in a little status.  I don’t want to bore people and shit.  So here are my recommendations for those who are interested.  I’ll list both a drugstore (CVS bucks or awards points or whatever they’re called ain’t no joke, son) and a Sephora/department store pick for those in varying economic situations.  (Or, if you’re like me, you buy the same fucking shade of lip gloss or eyeshadow over and over and over even though you don’t necessarily need or afford it.)

Let’s go (as Diddy says):

*From the jump, anyone interested in wearing any type of eye makeup should have a good primer.  My most favorite is from Urban Decay.  People are so nuts about this primer that after they scoop out every last possible bit with the spongy-wand thingy, they break open the tube with a mallet or hammer or whatever to get to the remnants.  How do I know this?  Because my Mom watched a tutorial video on “the YouTube” and decided to try it for herself.  She casually mentioned this one day and said, “I’d be happy to help you with yours, whenever you’re ready.”  I pictured her with a hard-hat and goggles sawing through a mascara size tube of Urban Decay Primer Potion:

The BOSS.

Why is primer important, you ask?  Especially during the summer months, your eyelids can get slippery or even sweaty, and the primer acts almost as double-sided tape, to grab onto the pigment of the eyeshadow.  Kind of like that mud woman on the Swifter commercial.  Covergirl also has new eyeshadow/primer, and I bought the champagne-ish shade:

Notsomuch the BOSS.

I noticed that it was a lot more liquidy than the primer potion (which has the consistency of a thin concealer) and it takes awhile to dry.  I wasn’t super impressed with it, but it can double as an eyeshadow if you’re in a rush.

*Also super important are brushes.  I throw out the little sponge applicator bullshit that comes with anything you buy in a drugstore.  If you’re just starting your collection, there are three main eyeshadow applicator contraptions that are a requirement.  First, you’ll need a medium-sized (preferably somewhat stiff—-that’s what she said) brush.  In a second, I’ll discuss the Urban Decay palette, and one of the plusses of that is the eyeshadow brush that comes with.  You’ll use this to apply the eyeshadow to your lid  (rather than your neck or earlobe…that sounded stupid) and it’s super important it’s of good quality.  Most of them I’ve purchased from the drugstore ain’t worth a shit.  I have seen displays where they have the brushes dangling from a thing on a rope or chain or whatever, and you can touch and caress them and see if they are to your liking.  Second brush should be smaller than then medium-sized one (who’s writing this shit, Danny??) and can have an angle or a slant on it.  Generally, you’ll use this brush to apply a dark color to the outer portion of your lid (commonly utilized when creating a “smokey eye” look) and/or a highlight color to your browbone.  Last but not least, I recommend a brush just a bit larger than the first with loose bristles.  This will be the brush you use to blend the shit out your eye makeup so you don’t look fucking ridiculous for a natural look. You can also get an eyeliner brush, but any high quality liner will come with a good enough brush. You’ll use these brushes everyday, so quality is super important.

Example:

From left to right: fluffy brush used for blending, I prefer mine a bit bigger, this one you can use for outer corner or crease, eyeliner, and the medium one w/ stiff bristles used to deposit color on the biggest part of your lid.

*Eyeshadow: on the cheap, some fairly affordable (and highly pigmented eyeshadow) comes from the Loreal “Hip” line, and I believe they carry both loose pigments and pressed single colors and palettes.  I’ve seen sales on these quite often, generally BOGO or buy one, get one half off.  And did I explain pigment?  If something is well pigmented, it means that you don’t have to use a shitload of it to get to the desired color you want (like something that looks super good when you buy it, but then you swipe it on and you don’t see anything on your eyelid *ahemCOVERGIRLahem* and will last and last throughout the day).

Loose "HIP" eyeshadow pigment from Loreal. I use this as a highlighter or on the entire eyelid if I'm lazy.

Physicians Formula has a good palette that you can pick based on your eye color, and that’s pretty much it.

The darker colors make for decent eyeliners and can be used wet or dry.

I’ve been horribly disappointed by Revlon, Covergirl, and Maybelline eyeshadow, but whatever.  In this case, I think you get what you pay for.  On the expensive tip, I gravitate towards Urban Decay, Nars, or Too-Faced.  I know MAC is supposed to be the best in the world, but it seems like they put cocaine or meth in their shit because motherfuckers are addicted.  I know once I go into a store and buy one little thing, I will be selling jewelry and pawning Danny’s toys to buy more.  If you buy one thing and one thing only, I think it should be the Urban Decay “Naked” palette.  The boys in my office always see it on my desk and say stuff like, “There’s Kelly, being a pervert again, because it has NAKED on the top in huge letters.”  This color pigment and color payoff on every single one of the shadows in this bitch is the best.  You have your base color, darker colors if you enjoy the smokey eye (they have both a darkish gray/almost black and a dark brown if you gravitate towards one or the other) and gorgeous highlighters you can use to highlight or swipe on your lid real quick if you’re in a lazy mood and want to look un-dead.  It’s good for travel (like I ever go anywhere) makes a super good gift.  Who had this first?  My Mom, of course.  I literally squealed when I saw it in her makeup drawer.

These colors really float my boat. And it even comes with a mini-tube of the Primer Potion. They aren't fucking around.

Same thing for a Too-Faced palette she just got.  If you watch Basketball Wives, some of the ladies look like clowns slightly ridiculous but sometimes their eyeshadow is on point.  One look I love is a matte champagne-ish color that pops, and it’s hard to get this look with any old eyeshadow but the one in the Two-Faced palette does the trick.  I was waving my arms up in the air all, HALLELUJAH, I’ve found it, and my Mom walked up and said, “Two-Faced palette, huh?”  And anything you get from Nars is awesome and crazy pigmented.  They have a little case you can buy which can fit a couple of shadows in one and has a small mirror.  Love.

TF Palette:

The color on the top left hand side is my jam. And the black is good for eyeliner or a super smokey eye, but blend like your life depends on it.

Me after I used this palette:

*Mascara.  Mascara is one of the few items you can buy at a drugstore that is comparable to something super brand named.  I’ve taken to the new Covergirl mascara in a pink tube, but the throwback Maybelline in the black and pink tube is always a winner (even though it’s hard as hell to get off).  If you don’t mind spending a little money, DiorShow is fanfuckingtastic, but can get a little gloppy.  I recommend using a paper towel (not a tissue, because the wand will grab the softer fibers off it it and get all disgusting) to blot off the excess before application.  I don’t mess with an eyelash curler (I would be blind) but I hear they help.  Whatever.

The Covergirl mascara that’s on heavy rotation:

*Eyeliner: Two words: BOBBI BROWN.  Her lip gloss is a personal fave (that’s for a later post, see what you did, Monica??) but her gel eyeliner where it’s at.  Even if you suck at putting on eyeliner, it comes with a brush that makes it somewhat easy.  The trick is to hold your lid taut and steady your elbow and hand on a table or on the wall (if you have a mirror hung up at home or in your office) and go slow.  Have baby wipes on hand to wipe off quick if you mess up. Clinique also makes a good pencil eyeliner that has a delightful smudge applicator on the end.  You can also use any eyeliner brush (or small/slanted eyeshadow applicator) and use a dark eyeshadow (either wet or dry) as an eyeliner.  On the drugstore scene, Loreal also has eyeliner in a little pot, but I find it doesn’t go on as smooth as my beloved Bobbi Brown does.  Covergirl also came out with an eyeshadow “pencil” (it’s more of a highly pigmented mini-eyeshadow stick to be specific) that’s alright, but you need to buy the Covergirl sharpener (sold separately) to sharpen it.  That’s bad business.

All you need to know:

The brush alone should excite you.

*Because I have strange eyebrows (and Danny “pulls” at them before he goes to sleep–it’s strange and slightly lotion in the basket-ish) I need to use an eyebrow pencil.  My favorite is by the brow guru Anastasia.  I got my Mom hooked on this one (I felt superior about that, almost like when I introduce my Dad to a good band) and she is a believer.  I wouldn’t mess with anything in a drugstore for this.

There are two main "pencils" she makes, but I prefer this one. Jane McCormack agrees.

And finally, I just found a product I love.  It’s the only thing I’ve felt like buying twenty of because I’m scared they’ll discontinue it.  I hate the greasy feeling of most makeup removers, and I don’t like walking around with a strange film on my eyeball that I imagine mimics cataracts.  These Visine eye wipes say they are intended for the use of wiping debris or dust from the eye area, but a tiny sentence on the back says it can also be used to remove makeup.  They are super gentle on your eyes, and I like to imagine little magic elves dipping each pad in a special mixture of Visine and love.  BUY THEM.  They’ll be in the eye care section or your drugstore or supermarket, by the eye drops.

I like anything with the word "soothing" in it.

I hope that wasn’t terribly boring, everyone.  If you have any questions/comment/etc let me know.  One of my BFF’s from Miami, Giselle, just got a job at NARS.  Do you know what this means?????  I’d love for her to answer questions to, or maybe post (for the ten people who read this).  She is beautiful and skilled and the fucking best.

Goodnight, everyone.  (And in case you got nothing out of this, here’s the new trailer for the upcoming season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.)

July 16, 2011
  • 5 things you do when you’re bored

1. The internet. 

2. Listen to a song, pretend it’s a duet, and sing parts of it.

3. Bake.

4. Angry Birds.

5. Make lists.

This was so fucking exciting that I can’t contain myself.

  • 5 things that make you hyper

1. Besides meth, speed, etc?  Juuuuuuuust kidding.  Playfighting with Danny.  Luckily I can handle roughhousing, because he is a rough child.  And not beyond a kick to the groin or twisting unfortunate areas.

2. Certain music.

3. Playing practical jokes on people.  The giddiness of it makes me feel electric.

4. Doing laundry.  Folding and putting away clothes makes me feel like a superorganzied ninja.

5. Getting a funny idea in my head out on paper (or computer).  I start typing like a fucking maniac. 

 

 

 

July 16, 2011
  • 5 ways you break the ice

OK, I’m confused.  Breaking the ice w/ someone on MARTA (as IF)?  Someone cute?  Let’s go with that one.

1. Make a comment about their attire.

2. Tease them.  Big into verbal sparing, so if I can say something witty and get it back, the ice is broken.

3. Make a comment about the surroundings.  Ex: If standing next to someone outside, and noticing some insects or creatures around the perimeter, I would say something like, “Is this the Amazon rainforest?” 

4. Ask them a question about themselves.  Anyone (no matter what the fuck they say) loves to talk about themself.

5. I would be over it at this point.

  • 5 signs that you’re into someone

1. I tease or make fun of you.  Sure, this possibly accounts for 96% of the population, but I’ll remember specific shit that you say or do and bring it back at the most opportune of times to try to make you laugh. 

2. Stare at your mouth while we’re talking.

3. I play slap or punch you (but not too hard *TWSS, KS).  With my well-known distaste for most physical contact (respect my fucking bubble) if I actually touch you, you’re golden.  And I’m not doing it because Cosmo said it’s cool or flirty.  It’s just something I do.

4. I talk about you in front of my parents.  Regularly bring you up in conversation.

5. I allow you (or my Dad or uncle shows you—they got jokes showing boys this stuff) to see the most embarrassing videographic evidence of my childhood: my commercial and the “music video” (term used loosely) of me lip synching to “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)” in turquoise Bongo jeans.

Protected: A one and a two.

July 15, 2011

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